So I earned my 60 day coin the other day. I can't remember the last time I've ever gone 60 days without a drink. But one day at a time is working and I'm grateful.
Today I want to reflect on a quote from Father Thomas Keating in his book "Divine Therapy and Addiction." He writes, "God doesn't take away our faults right away, because if He did, we would be likely to attribute it to our own efforts. It's a painful process for Him as well as for us to have to put up with our misdeeds." OH I SEE NOW! So that's why even though I tried to leave my addiction at the alter every Sunday during confession, it still wasn't taken away. That's why I'm now struggling with smoking cigarettes and can't seem to find the desire to quit. It's all about PRIDE! I have to recognize that it's not my own willpower that I succeed, it's God's power. (Boy that totally slaps in the face the idea of the Protestant Work Ethic, which was central to the tradition I was raised in).
I'm working on step 4 now which is when we "Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Boy I thought I had to do some belly button gazing in order to be ordained, but that ain't nothin' compared to what we are required to do while doing the steps. Step four calls us into a kind of humility and honesty that is even deeper than talk therapy. It requires a total trust that God loves us no matter what, because without that trust, I know this addict wouldn't be able to make a FEARLESS moral inventory. God is the one who removes our fear. When we pray to our Higher Power to remove our fear, we can dive into the truth of our true selves, our honest mistakes, our pride, our self-righteousness and more. Being fearless in our belly button gazing will free us. That I believe.