One Nightmare At A Time

The other day I woke up with an enormous headache and feeling total shame.  "What the $*^^%# have I done?"  And then I realized it was just a dream.  I had one of those hated drinking dreams.  What a miserable experience to believe you've blown your sobriety after so much time in recovery.  (72 whole days!) I felt that I let down all the people who have been praying and supporting me.  I thought, "Shit! now my butterfly tattoo symbolizing new life is just a meaningless mark on my arm!"  I woke up in despair.

Then I realized, well, maybe this is God reminding me of how I would feel if I picked up another drink or smoked another bowl.  Maybe God is helping me not forget, as I feel better and stronger each day, the overwhelming defeat I would experience if I did in real life fall off the wagon.  So, as I'm learning to have gratitude in all thing, I am grateful for this reminder.  I do believe God is working overtime on me.