For ten and a half months I have smoked an average of a half a pack of cigarettes a day. As of Saturday, when I embarked on another 5 day Academy for Spiritual Formation, I decided I would no longer be a smoker. I'm not going to try to quit. I'm simply going to be a non-smoker.
After treatment, as I faced life without my drugs of choice, I picked up an addiction that simply replaced another addiction. Clearly I have an addictive personality so my new addiction is Tootsie-Pops! If you see me constantly sucking on a lollipop, remember that it's because I'm sober and a non-smoker. To be honest, the cigarettes served me well this past year, but my one year sobriety birthday is a week from today and they no longer fill a need.
I owe whatever strength I've found in this journey to God and God alone. My spiritual life has become key to recovery and I find myself more in tune with God than I ever have before. The 12 steps are simply Christian practices, not doctrine, but practices, and as I work the program I find myself becoming more and more Christian as my doctrines that I've clung to give way to my heart.
When I was in treatment, a very wise spiritual director who was a recovering UCC pastor and alcoholic said to me, "Susan, you went to seminary for your head. Imagine this place to be seminary for your heart." A heart theology has been my inspiration this past year and it is a heart theology that heals the broken and leads to transformation. I am a work in progress.