4 + YEARS (and counting)!

 I reached my 4^th birthday of sobriety right in the middle of the Covid outbreak.  When the shut-down began, the AA groups were also shut down.  Some of them Zoomed, but that seemed weird.  Besides, I was zooming all day every day for work and if I could choose to zoom or not, I always chose the “or not.”

 I heard a lot of people fell off the wagon this past year.  Rumor had it that one person in my favorite meeting who had 19 years of sobriety, fell off the wagon.  A woman that I helped get back on her feet after breaking her back and then breaking her leg all while she was drunk, also fell off the wagon.  The stories are endless.  I bet you know an addict as well who has struggled a great deal this past year.

 

Covid was tragic in one way or another for almost everyone, and addicts were quite frankly tested.   But… I stayed sober.  I wonder how sometimes.  I wonder why did I make it through these isolating times?  What makes me so special that I’ve come out of this epidemic “unscathed” more or less? 

 

 I don’t have an answer, but I can tell you a tool that continues to make a significant difference when I play with the idea of having just one glass of wine or just one joint.  I have these tattoos.  A lot of people don’t approve of my tattoos.  A lot of people ask when I’m going to stop tattooing myself.  Do I really need to ink myself every year?  A lot of people don’t understand why I would do such a thing.

 

In the book of Deuteronomy 6:4-9, it reads:

 

Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. ⁵You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. ⁶Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart.⁷Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. ⁸Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead,⁹and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

 

I write (tattoo a buttlerfly/ies as a reminder.  I need a reminder because I forget.  Scripture tells us to put them on our hands and fix them on our forehead because the author knew that people forget.  Sometimes we forget a lot.  But the butterfly, no I mean butterflies, remind me that I have chosen to live a new life.  I have made the choice to allow my life as an addict fall away and I chose to lock my addiction in a tomb.  I have made the choice that with the help of God, I am born anew.  I call that resurrection.  There’s a reason why I had my tattoo inked on my forearm for me to be constantly reminded every single day.  The reason is I can’t imagine holding a glass of wine, with that tattoo glaring at me, leading me to “remember him.”  I’m not alone… never was… and never will be.  That goes for you too.