I am aware that my last blog was about learning to have good sober fun, but not all my drinking was detrimental to my spiritual and emotional health. There were times when my drinking was downright fun, without repercussions, and some of those times were during the holidays.
This past Thanksgiving was my first sober "Turkey Day" for as long as I can remember. It was pleasant, but it wasn't the rollicking fun I became accustomed to. Putting up the Christmas tree without my bourbon and a splash of egg-nog seemed strange to say the least.
And you know what? I find myself grieving for those days. My life is forever changed now that I am living a new sober life, and that includes letting go of the good times, and the fun holidays, that included a lot of laughter with family and friends alike. But the truth is that many times I drove impaired and it is only through luck that I didn't kill myself or another. I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about that reality any longer, but still, not celebrating with things that loosen me up sucks!
I guess my point is, part of my recovery involves grieving the loss of living out those wonderful, wasted days that I remember so fondly. It also includes relief that I'm not going to bring distress on anyone through my reckless behavior. It is the paradox of living in recovery. This may be a simple program to live by, but it is in no way easy.
Happy Holidays everyone. May you all stay safe and embrace your loved ones with appreciation and warmth.
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