Working the Steps
I had a tough week a few weeks ago. I had angry letters sent to me. I had an important colleague not talking to me and I felt bombarded with the notion that "they hate me!" Nothing pulls me down quicker than the feeling that I'm not liked. I want everyone to like me. I know that's not possible, but that's what I want.
The feeling that people are angry with me or dislike me makes me feel like a glass or wine or two or three or "just give me the bottle," overcame me. At least let me smoke a joint to take the edge off so I don't care so much. But what about my tattoo? What would it mean if I broke down and had to start this new life over?
So what did I do? I found myself working the steps. I called my sponsor, I went to meetings, I read my AA literature, I worked on forgiveness, I looked for my part in the conflicts, I made amends and I prayed, boy did I pray. And you know what? It worked. After a few days of feeling like all I wanted was to use, I woke up and it was gone. Sure some people were still angry with me, but that's OK because I know that I'll never please everyone, so I was able to let it go.
I am now convinced, if I wasn't before, that working the steps is a way to a happy, joyous and free life. Amen, thank you God!